Dog and Pony Show

I was in a meeting with my boss. We were talking about my direction in the company. I was sitting there 2 feet across from him at a small circular table, looking at him in the eye, reacting to his words. I also had a blank sheet on the table - clearly visible to him. The sheet was for writing down follow-ups... but I had no need for notes...

...Not until he said,
"basically, this is a dog and pony show..."

I nodded and smirked as if I knew what he meant... but on the inside I froze. "Not another one of these damned phrases!" At the top of my piece of paper I wrote the phrase, nicely in cursive to remind myself of this personal follow up to define the mysterious phrase.

I'm not quite sure of his reaction, but if it had been confusion and alarm that his employee might be incompetent, I wouldn't have been surprised. I would have thought the same thing if I had been talking for 30 minutes, and that was only thing written on top of the paper.

I completed my follow up a week later when I re-discovered my piece of paper.

Spears's Definition:
Dog and Pony Show
Fig. a display, demonstration, or exhibition of something -- such as something on is selling (As in a circus act where trained dogs leap onto and off of trained ponies.)

Gary went into his standard dog and pony show, trying to sell us an an upgrade to our software.

Don't you get tired of running through the same old dog and pony show at every trade show?

I would like to expand on this definition... dog and pony shows are fluff - when you hype something up too much.

Another one down, how many more to go?

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Dog and Pony Show

My Score Card for this idiom:
Able to be understood initially?: Yes
Able to be understood once explained?: Yes

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Yours ignorantly,
an under-read American

That's the Pot Calling the Kettle Black

The first time I remember hearing this phrase was a few years ago. My initial thoughts to the usage of this phrase were:

Kitchen cookware doesn't talk.... uh, hellooo.
... yeah, but is he black?

How am I supposed to know what that means? So I ask. "I'm sorry, I don't know what that means." Everyone always looks at me and asks, "wait, where are you from?"

So it was explained to me, "the pot is black, and it's saying the kettle is black. But they're both black. Get it?"

What? No.

My thoughts:
Where I come from both the pot and kettle are more of a grey metal color... and they don't really talk much. Except the kettle, and it whistles a bit. Actually we have one of those electric kettles you plug into the electrical outlet and it dings when the water is boiled but we used to have a whistler. But I'll play along with this notion of old-fashioned kettles. So I'll imagine a cast-iron kettle and a cast-iron pot. Eewwwwwww who would want to cook anything in that? There'd be metal shavings all in the food!

After I casted a puzzled look, my friend (okay, it was Justin again) shouted exasperatingly "Hypocrite! It means you're a hypocrite!"

"Ohhh.... like the whole spec/plank in your eye?"

Now it was Justin who returned the puzzled look.

I continued, "yea... you know, before you mention the spec in your neighbor's eye, remove the plank from your own... No? Well...I'd rather say, 'Before I tell you this, I need to take the plank outta my eye...' It'd probably have a more comical or confusing effect than 'I'M A HYPOCRITE!'"

Justin looked at me in disbelief. "That's why you say 'That's like the pot calling the kettle black'..."

"I suppose..."

Spear's Definition:
The pot is calling the kettle black or That's the pot calling the kettle black
Prov. You should not criticize someone for a fault that you have too. (Not polite to say about the person you are addressing.)

Bill told Barbara she was sloppy, but Bill never cleans up after himself, either. That's the pot calling the kettle black.

My sister says I dress funny, but if you've seen some of the clothes she wears, you know it's a case of the pot calling the kettle black.

Okay, okay. So it had been explained. It had soaked in. I could put it into use in my everyday vocabulary.

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That's the Pot Calling the Kettle Black

My Score Card for this idiom:
Able to be understood initially?: No
Able to be understood once explained?: Yes

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Next problem:
Which one is the name-caller?
Is the kettle calling the pot black?
Kettles tend to be noisier.
Wait, no, it's the pot.

After encountering this dilemma a few times, I compromised with,

"That's the pot or the kettle calling the other one black."

People know what I'm saying even though they cock their head to one side as if to have the sentence trickle down in between the ears to have it come out translated on the other side.

Meh, it still works for me.

Awkwardly yours,
an under-read American

Read someone the riot act

Justin was going on about this group of people at work who weren't the best of performers. "Yea, my boss...read them The Riot Act."

My thoughts: *Gasp* --- Holy Moley is this serious!
There are people purposely under-performing to commit a mutiny of sorts? ...to sabotage the productivity of the company?
...what do they think they're doing!?
I didn't even know such an Act existed. Imagine the police force they had to bring in! All the cop cars, the radios bleeping, guns gleaming. This is gunna be goood.

...I really need to read up on my company & labor rights...

I waited patiently for the thrilling events of The Reading of the Riot Act. Justin read into the awkward silence of my thoughts and said, "...go look it up in that dictionary I gave you."

oh.

You see...to tackle my idiomatic ineptitude, Justin bestowed upon me a the most useful of items: a book entitled Dictionary of American Idioms and Phrasal Verbs by Richard A. Spears.

It turns out it's not "The Riot Act of [insert year here]", capitalized, proper, and intimidating; it's an uncapitalized "the riot act," which requires much less government enforcement.

From Spear's Dictionary:
To read someone the riot act:
Fig: to give someone a severe scolding.
The manager read me the riot act for coming in late.
The teacher read the students the riot act for their failure to do their assignments.

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Read the Riot Act

My Score Card for this idiom:
Able to be understood initially?: No
Able to be understood once explained?: Kind of

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A HA!
A severe reprimand
...nothing even close to mutiny.

Lesson learned.
Case closed.

Yours incompetently,
an under-read American